SAY WHAT????!!!!!

SAY WHAT????!!!!!!

TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY.
TODAY I'VE TURNED 43.
Let us sit back. Pause, reflect, think about how good God has been to you. He's sure been good to me.
Let's stop all the bickering, the fighting, the arguing, the name calling.  Reflect upon your life. Count your blessings. Whoever is reading this right now, there's a great chance you are not living in a war torn country not sure minute to minute if you'll die a tragic death; you're not laying in a hospital bed fighting for your life, you are not being held captive or in bondage. Be grateful, be thankful for there is someone else who's worse off than you.

Today is May 31st. Holla! It's my birthday 🎶🎶🎂🎉!!  On this day 43 years ago, into the household of HRH & Ugoeze Luke & Ellen Anosike, one fyne gyal pikin , no pimple was born and she was named Chidinma. Ugonnaya. Anosike. I am so blessed to be here today. May has been a special month.
May 9th:  finished radiation. Declared cancer free!!
May 11th: Mother's Day
May 27th: 13th wedding anniversary
May 29th: broke my front tooth in half had my first ever root canal. Ouch!!
May 31st: I turned 43 years old.

7 months ago I had a cancerous piece of tissue in my left breast. I was scared.
Today, I am cancer free and I am thankful for all I have been through because it has shown the naysayers that DIARIS GOD OOOOO!CHAI!!  DIARIS GOD OOOO!!! Yes!! I am a living manifestation and testimony. He has settled, stablished and perfected me! Day by day I get stronger. I'm still rehabilitating but the silver lining is here. The rain has stopped and I see my rainbow.
I have grown spiritually, emotionally and physically. And I continue to thank every single one of you for holding me up, nudging me, carrying me and encouraging me. God bless you all.
Today I celebrate life to the fullest. You do it too. Be encouraged. Speak life into your situation. Be not dismayed or discouraged. It's not your battle, it's The Lord's.


In the lyrics of Lisa Page Brooks.....

For every time that you protected me
When I didn't know your name
(Lord I say thank you).
How you loved on me and cared for me,
When I didn't return the same, I.
(Lord I say thank you)

Now when It seemed like I was losing and I felt like giving up,
I (Lord I) "I wanna say" (say thank you).
Your love rushed in like a mighty flood and lifted me above, and I (Lord I)
"I wanna say" (say thank you).

I'll be thanking you and praising You for the rest of my life.
For I've come to know the power of your love and sacrifice.
(Thank you for your sacrifice)
I appreciate all that you do
(Everything You do, and I want to say)
Just want to say thank you

Well, how you kept your hand upon me though I've Often gone astray,
Yeah I... (Lord I say thank you).
And how your spirit gently led me back to safety in your way,
I wanna say Lord I say thank You.
(And I'll be thanking you)

(And I'll give you praise)... just want to say thank you. Lord I thank You.
(Lord I thank You. Yes I do.
Right now I just want to say thank you)
I wanna say! (I wanna say wanna say)
I wanna say thank you. (I just want to say)
I gotta say! (Gotta say, gotta say it, thank you) I gotta say thank you!

(Now you've been good) I want to say
(And I want to say)
I want to say thank you
(That you've been kind)
I've gotta say
(Gotta say, please just let me say)
I've gotta say thank you
(You made a way)
I want to say
(You let me see a brand new day)
I want to say thank you
(You never let me go astray)
I gotta say
(And I gotta gotta gotta say)
I gotta say thank you
(Thank you for my family)
I want to say
(Thank you lord for keeping me)
I want to say thank you
(Thank you Lord for bringing me through)
I've got to say
(And I thank you for my husband too)
I gotta say thank you
(Thank you Lord for saving me)
I wanna say
(Thank you Lord for loving me)I wanna say thank you
(And I gotta gotta gotta say)
I've gotta say
(I want to say, gotta say thank you)
I've gotta say thank you
(Thank you thank you)

Thank you all for being with me.

Chidi

Psst!!! Hey!!!! Wetin now??? Check your breasts. Do not ignore the lump. When did you last check your breasts? No fear abeg! Touch the something!

E DON SET OOOO!!!!! IT'S GOING DOWN!!

My husband loves to sing (I've told him not to quit his day job).  He can make a song out of anything .  I'm loving the song (chant) he's been singing for the past day.

 

It's going down! What you wanna do? It's going down, down, down;

Nothing's gonna stop us now!

You best believe that I was behind him hopping and two-stepping while he was singing because for real, for real; IT'S GOING DOWN!!!

 

Today is May 5th, 2014 and the last leg of the journey of phase 2 is coming down to the wire.  Last bus-stop, the train is pulling into the station, please prepare for landing!  YES!!!! As of today, 5 more radiation treatments are left! It is amazing! God is awesome! And yes, I can truly say that it went by quickly.  The first week was a drag. My mind was heavy, my soul was not at rest; but through the everlasting grace of he who died for me and set me free, the one whose banner over me is love, the one whose tender mercies are brand new every morning, the one whose faithfulness unto me I do not deserve; has carried me and shielded me. Alleluia!

 

I under-estimated the side-effects of radiation compared to chemotherapy. Being in the health field and having worked with patients who have undergone chemo, I was prepared for the worse with chemo but God let me know that I can prepare myself all I want, he has the final say.  I had some rough patches, but sailed through it victoriously.

For radiation, I "knew" it would be a breeze, I had the whole thing figured out. Yeah right!! My left side; upper chest wall area, breast, armpit is charred. Literally charred.  The skin is burnt,  It is black from being burnt.  It is painful.  I am thankful for "okuma" (natural Nigerian shea butter), eucerin cream, aquaphor ointment, cold gel packs and cold aloe vera gel.  

 

I'm tired, I've experienced fatigue as never before, the body is constantly exhausted.  I sleep all night, wake up in the morning and I'm still tired.  ABEG!! WETIN BE THIS KIND SOMETHING???? Ain't no one got time for this!  Fatigue leave me please and be banished!!! Mscheww!!

This chick ain't got time for this.  Treatment is almost done, it is time to start rehabilitating my body!  The social season has started, it's time to party to be joyful, to dance. I've got a busy calendar. I gotta live life!

 

But in all things, you best believe that I AM PRAISING ANYHOW!!! I am joyful, I am happy, my mind is right, I am surrounded and blessed by wonderful family & friends. My community has fortified me; "ONYE NWERE MADU, KA ONYE NWERE EGO" (the person who has people, is greater/better than the person who has money). I cannot stop expressing my gratitude to all of you for supporting me through prayers, kind words, visitations, food, money; LOVE! The love that Christ has given you all to give has not failed.  It has not failed, I say IT HAS NOT FAILED! I feel the love daily and it carries me through.

 

Yes, there has been personal growth.  Yes, there has been spiritual growth. Yes, there is new found appreciation for the things that life brings at me.  But I am a testimony that God is faithful, his promises are true, he never fails, he never lets us down. 







"DO NOT BE AFRAID OR DISCOURAGED, FOR THE LORD WILL PERSONALLY GO AHEAD OF YOU. HE WILL BE WITH YOU; HE WILL NEITHER FAIL YOU NOR ABANDON YOU." DEUTERONOMY 31:8 NLT

 

AND YOU BETTER BELIEVE HE WILL NEVER GIVE YOU MORE THAN YOU CAN BEAR!

 

Be blessed today, you are shielded, you are covered.  Thank you as always for reading, but thank you even more for being you and for being with me.  God bless.

 

Psst! You know now, don't forget to check your breasts!

 

Chidinma



 





Phase 2!

MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE:  This is a public service announcement.  Those of you who know me, if you see a "greenish tint/glow" coming from me, please let me know; I need to monitor the levels of radiation I am emitting.


ABEG OOOOO!!!! I'M JUST KIDDING!!!!  I'M NOT RADIATING ANYTHING!


Just a little humor to break up the "monotony" of the day and to keep a smile on your face!
So today, phase 2 of treatment started.  For the next 6 weeks (thank God! At first the Doctor was saying 8), Monday thru Friday, I will be getting radiation to the left breast.  Today was the first day.  I'm not going to lie, it was a long walk to the Radiation center, I did have some FEAR ( False Evidence Appearing Real:  this term belongs to Joyce Meyers; I can't take credit for it), thinking about the length of treatment, the burden of treatment, the possible side-effects of treatment.  Hot piss catch me ooo !(literally.  My kidneys get super excited when I'm nervous).


Laying on the table, half-naked, cold, and deriving no joy (TMI, but please bear with me) I kept playing over in my head this journey that WE have been on and I was like wow! It's been 5 months already.
(1) 10/21/13: Breast cancer diagnosis: shattering, devastating news 
(2) 10/31/13: Surgery: Please tell me you've removed all the cancer and life goes back to normal (fat chance, that didn't happen).
(3) 12/30/13: Chemotherapy: Seriously, I have to go through all this????
(4) 3/31/14: Radiation:  I CAN SEE THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL!!!


However, despite the shingles, nose-bleeds, skin changes, hair-loss, black finger & toe nails, ? forced menopause,  initiation into the "Sisterhood of Hot flashing" (Nna mehn, hot-flashing with a wig on your head is absolutely no joke!! I almost whipped it off my head while seeing a patient last week.  Instead I excused myself and left the room to compose myself).  Talking about wigs, so I was seeing a patient last week and as we are talking about her medical issues, I felt sort of like a "cool breeze" on my forehead.  I instinctively touched my forehead and the silly lace-front wig had shifted up and the wig cap was showing.  Dilemma!!! What can a Black chick do but to say to the patient "excuse me, I need to fix my wig".  Yes Sir!! I tugged and shifted it back into place.  It was either that or let the wig fall off.  HABA! I don't think so!! Medical appointment continued on.  The look on the patient's face; PRICELESS!!!


But through it all, I thank God! I'm praising him through my situation, through my circumstances.  I have received so much love and support from all of you that I am still in awe!! I thank God for all of you, for you all have through the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, made this journey easier for me.  I could've never done it alone. 


My last treatment will by God's grace be on May 9th, just in time to celebrate mothers day (5/11), my wedding anniversary (5/27) and for me to get ready for my birthday (5/31) HOLLA!!!!!


It is well, God is good and "there's a praise on the inside that I can't keep to myself"!! Soro m tonu Chukwu!  He is carrying me through and I am holding on. 


Thanks for reading, I'll keep you posted, and as always, thanks for taking this journey with me.  You all are the "wind beneath my wings".  God bless!


Chidinma


Psst! You know now; abeg, check your breasts!!

Started From The Bottom Now We Here!!!

WHARRAP YA'LL????? Holla back at your girl!!! Don't stop gerrit, gerrit!!! Yeah ya!!! 4 cycles of chemotherapy completed!!! God is good all the time and all the time; GOD IS GOOD!!!  In case anyone forgot, that is my name!! CHIDINMA!!

LET ME CLEAR MY THROAT.....
I just want to take this moment to thank the almighty Father, because if it weren't for his loving grace, I sure wouldn't be here right now.

I want to thank my baby daddy, my 3 musketeers, my parents, my siblings, my CT, Chi-town, H-town & B-town crazy cousins, my great in-laws, my awesome nuclear, extended & adopted family, wonderful friends, great co-workers, Daughters of Grace Prayer Ministry (Spiritual nourishment for breakfast 5:30 am Sun - Sat) and every single one of you for holding me down, praying for me, yes lifting me up and interceding on my behalf. Calling me, visiting me, cooking for me, encouraging me, loving me; what can a Black chick say?  I'M BLESSED & HIGHLY FAVORED!

 Drs. Deckers, Tannenbaum, Namadoukyst, the entire UConn Health Center cancer center staff; THANK YOU. 

It has been a journey, and it is not over yet.  I get a "3 week" vacation, then I will undergo 6 weeks of radiation Monday - Friday.  However, through it all, I am grateful.  I have come to truly appreciate the little things in life and I am learning (still work in progress) how not to stress over everything.  More so I have learned that my plan A, B & C don't mean a thing if I have not placed God in everything and let him guide and direct me.

So in the words of Rev. Paul Jones (paraphrasing)

I've had some good days, I've had some hills to climb.
I've had some weary days, and some sleepless nights.

But when I look around and I think things over, all of my good days, outweigh my bad days;
I WON'T COMPLAIN!

The Lord has been so good to me, he's been so good to me; more than this old world or you could ever be. He dried all my tears away, turned my midnights into day, so I'll just say THANK YOU LORD, I WON'T COMPLAIN!!!

So the journey continues, thanks for travelling with me and helping me carry my bags.  They are getting lighter and lighter each day.

Stay blessed, live & love.  Smile more, laugh more.  Speak "life" into your situation, into your circumstances.  It's gonna be alright! Trust in God!  Really! Taste the Lord and see that he is good!  I am a living testimony of that. 

PSST!!!! HAVE YOU CHECKED YOUR BREASTS???

Remain blessed,
Chidi

 

 

The Little Lone Gray Hair

I'm completely bald now.

 

But there's one little strand of gray hair on my left temple.

 

That resilient strand of gray hair that won't fall out. I tried to pull her out but I've got peripheral neuropathy in my fingers so it's hard to get a grip on her. 

 

As I look upon that one lone strand of gray hair an eyesore on this chocolate scalp of mine and suck my teeth at it in irritation, it dawns on me; THAT'S ME!! My baldness reflects breast cancer and that little strand of stubborn gray hair is me standing firm! Resilient! Tough! Refusing to bow into the mental angst that is plaguing me at this time. I am going to continue to be resilient. I can't give in. I can't continue this pity party I started for myself this morning. After all, I've been at it for hours and no guests have arrived!! Mscheww! Well it's a good thing. Let me get out of this funk. One day at a time we always say. One day at a time.

 

It's been 3 months since I was diagnosed. Since this whole saga started.  I'm tired. Mentally and physically tired. I'm not used to this. It's weighing down my psyche. But I must persevere. I salute all the persons whom have trod this road before me and who are on this journey right now and for those who will unfortunately travel this road in the future. It is well. Like the song says;

 

"When peace like a river attendeth my way, when sorrows like sea billows roll; whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say it is well; it is well with my soul."

 

"God will always give what is right to his people who cry to him night and day and he will not be slow to answer. Luke 18:7"

 

So befitting it was that this song started to play during the height of my pity party and I do so much love this song that it definitely helped reboot & reset my brain and I had to come to the conclusion that it was time to "put on my big girl panties" and shake off the "me, me, me". Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir's;

Jehovah Jireh, my provider, you are more than enough for me, Jehovah Rapha you are my healer by your stripes I have been set free, Jehovah Shamma you are with me and you supply all my needs. You're more than enough, more than enough, you're all I need, you are more than enough for me. 

 

Thank you Lord for letting me see that lone strand of hair and remembering that you are carrying me and I am not alone. You are more than enough for me. In all things, I continue to praise and worship you. 

 

No matter what your circumstances are, remember that you are not alone, no matter how bad the pain, the sorrow, the angst, you are not alone, you must believe that up above, the healer of all healers, the lover of your soul, the Master, our Holy Father is embracing and comforting you. You may not feel it now but you will. Trust me you will. Do not despair.  He is more than enough.  Yes; he's more than enough for you.

DEFEAT

My first cycle of chemotherapy was on December 30th, 2013.  Thanks to my work mother Barbara Capella for surprising me by showing up with my goodie bag and for providing emotional support to me, my hubby and my Mommy. 

I rang in the New Year curled up on my sofa wrapped up in blankets in pain.
Nope! I won't be defeated.

Day 3 after chemo, I started to experience horrible bone pain I wouldn't wish on nobody, muscle & joint pain, fatigue, generalized weakness, skin pain, dry skin, skin discoloration, intense stomach pain; I'm short of breath climbing stairs, my mouth is dry, I lost my sense of taste.
Nope! I won't be defeated.

One week after chemo, I was diagnosed with shingles.  For real.  Shingles.  What the hell???  My feet tingle, my balance is off, I'm not able to comfortably wear my heels.  My heels are my fashion signature.
Nope! I won't be defeated.

On Friday night, I had my first ever true nosebleed. Saturday morning, I woke up at 4 am with a nosebleed that was pretty intense.  I hit up my prayer group "Daughters of Grace". They have been uplifting me in prayer every morning at 5:30am.  Our God is an answering God!!
Of course! I won't be defeated.

Today, Sunday 1/12/14 I was chilling with some friends who came to visit and I felt something in my right eye, it was a couple of strands of hair. I ran my fingers through my hair and I said to my husband and friends " E don set ooo.  My hair is falling out". 

It's official. I'm going through chemotherapy for breast cancer.

My lower lip quivered, my eyes welled up.  I excused myself for a brief moment.  I went to the bathroom.  Looked at my already very short haircut, instinctively ran my fingers through my scalp and more hair was in my hand.
Tears, sadness, reality.  This is my reality.
Am I going to be defeated? 

I'm tired.  I have hopefully just 3 more cycles, then 8 rounds of radiation.  Others before me have done this.  Others after me will do this.  I wouldn't wish this on nobody. I don't have a choice. 
I won't be defeated.  I refuse to accept defeat.

Lately, I've been meditating on 1 Peter 5:6-11 and my favorite verses are 7 & 10 which read;

Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.

But the God of all grace who hath called us into his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered for a while, will make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you.

 

Believe it or not whenever I read it and think about it, It makes me smile!!!  The promises!  So many promises and all I gotta do is trust & obey.

Thanks for the prayers, calls, shout outs, inspiring messages, I am humbled and immensely grateful.  This is not a journey that one should take alone.  I pray for those who are going through difficult times to be sent the blessings of a support system that I myself have been blessed to have.

Happy 12th day of the New Year 2014, stay well, stay blessed and p.s. CHECK YOUR BREASTS.

Chidinma

 

 

 1st day of chemotherapy.  On my way to "Permanent healing". Of course Mommy was there! Just love her!!!!

Accessories

In a few hours, in approximately 6.5 hours, I'll be going to get my newest accessory. I'll be getting a port inserted into my upper chest wall. That will be the route I will receive chemo for over the next several weeks.

It's starting to become more and more real. I was diagnosed. I had surgery. I know I have to undergo treatment. But deep down in my naïveté (I hope that is grammatically correct) I've been wishing that I would be told "ok Chidi, you've had surgery, you're all done; go on as if nothing has happened".

It's quarter to midnight. I have to be at the hospital by 6 am. I should be sleeping but I can't. I'm not nervous about the procedure. It's minor. I'm nervous about the days, the weeks, the months to come.

I like to dress. T'is the season to be merry. There are parties to attend this month. I'm already starting to wonder how visible  the port is going to be.  I attended the class, it will be a slight induration. I know, I'm being vain; but will I be able to wear a low cut blouse or shirt? My beautiful traditional attires? I already have a scar, am I psychologically ready for this new accessory that is going to be the portal of the substance that will affect how I feel? Change how I look?

I'm trusting. I'm faithful. I'm thankful. I'm trying to hold on. I'm trying to keep my head up. Many before me have travelled down this road successfully. Many more will travel down this road successfully with me. We join together and roar!  We join together as gladiators against this foe. We are conquerors.  WE ARE CHAMPIONS!!

You are the first line of defense in the battle to keep healthy. Love yourself. Love your body. Love God.

As promised, please see the attached Age appropriate health screening recommendations sent to me courtesy of my own personal person Dr. Uche Nwaogwugwu (FYI for those who don't know and think that they have a son who will marry her princess; please back off. My son is being groomed for her. We are going correct!) Shout out to Uche & Chigozirim!

https://www.facebook.com/ajax/messaging/attachment.php?attach_id=fd15bed2-68f3-4096-bb27-20742106a22b&mid=id.182592485275509&hash=AQDfn2MUVG6vXkfo

God bless you all. Love youse!!!!

psst!  Check your breasts. 

 

IT'S ON & POPPING NOW!!

So it's been a hot minute since I last posted something and I will start off by apologizing; I said in my last post that I would post health screening recommendations in my next post.  I don't have the information put together yet.  Sorry.

Hope everyone enjoyed their Thanksgiving, I sure enjoyed mine!!  Looking forward to being with family and friends on Christmas & New Years day.

So, the ball is rolling, things have been put into place and now the challenge really begins.
I've have met with various Specialists regarding my care and it has now boiled down to this;
per the Medical Oncologist, I had a "hyperactive" tumor.  It had "ADHD" (her words.  Not mine).  It was a busy little sucker, it was proliferating like the waist of an Igbo girl dancing "anya nto n'ukwu", or an African girl dancing makossa or soukous, or a girl doing that new dance that they call "twerking" (ummm, not the Miley Cyrus version though).  That has them concerned.  Also with some fancy testing they did, I fall in the "gray area" my case is not typical (I've always been told, I was special; now I'm thinking that it was not always in a positive way).  So the treatment regimen will be Chemotherapy (5 months), then Radiation (2 months), then taking a pill called tamoxifen daily for a minimum of 5 years.

I had chemo teaching today. It hit me that this is truly real and happening.  It involves much more than just having had surgery.  I will receive Cytoxan & Taxotene. I was able to convince them to let me start after Christmas,  so the big day will be December 30th.  I will have to have a minor surgical procedure to implant a port in my chest to receive the chemo infusion, I will have to take steroids before & after treatments, I will have to receive neulasta a growth stimulating factor to prevent my white blood cell count from dropping to low.  Interesting lifestyle changes will also have to occur (much to hubby's chagrin & my delight :) ) 

I attended a class today called "Look Good, Feel Better Every Day; Helping women with cancer" and it was indeed very informative.  I will most likely have skin changes and will need to change skin care products and make-up.  I will most likely loose my hair.  I tried, fitted and was given a wig in case I need it (they don't know what they did, the hair monster from my past is gonna re-surface!  Those who knew me pre my current hair style knew that I could rock the hell outta of a weave).  I was taught how to tie a turban & scarf in a fancy, attractive way ( I know now, I be Naija babe proper, proper.  I already know how to tie one, but hey, I let her use my dome to demonstrate and I sure ohhed & ahhed like other participant's at the end result.  What else was I supposed to do?) I learned that I should not trim/cut my cuticles while on treatment to help prevent infection.  I should make sure I use nail polish that doesn't contain formaldehyde (nna mehn, can you imagine?? I never knew that nail polish contained formaldehyde, and since it does, why the hell does my nail polish not last till kingdom come??).  I was told that my finger & toe-nails may turn brownish-black (seriously?)

I know it is going to be a rough journey, but the end of my story is VICTORIOUS and that is all that matters. TEAM CHIDI is in full effect and they are rocking with me so it's gonna be a'ight!! Like Cece Winan's sang

His strength is perfect when our strength is gone
He'll carry us when we can't carry on
Raised in his power the weak becomes strong
His strength is perfect

His strength is perfect

My journey is well on it's way.  Thanks for taking this trip with me.  It will soon be over.  God bless and Happy Holidays!!

p.s.  It's the holidays.  Gift yourself and check your breasts

 



Through it all, I'm Thankful!

Nna mehn!!! You see this day today which dem dey call Thanksgiving?  Where do I even start to give thanks?  It's been 5 weeks since I started this journey and I am extremely grateful to have the ability to sit here and chop this turkey and all the ngwo ngwo that goes along with it.

All jokes aside though, I am extremely thankful to God for making me go through this humbling experience.  From getting diagnosed with breast cancer, to having surgery, to being told the opposite breast had something suspicious in it to having the MRI and being about to undergo the biopsy and being told nothing was there; I am grateful.  For all the cheerleaders I've had cheering me through the process, I am thankful for you.

So 4 weeks out of surgery, I'm back to work, the doctors are very impressed with my healing and progress (Imela oooo, Baba God).  Now having some testing done to determine the treatment protocol I should undergo.  I also have to have some oyibo "ABC test" dem dey call BRCA to see if I have the mutation that poses a much higher risk for recurrence of breast cancer.  This test will also impact the recommended treatment.

There's a song by Andrea Crouch that my dad loves to sing and as you can tell from previous posts, music is an important part of my life.  So the song goes;



I've had many tears and sorrows; I've had questions for tomorrow; there've been times I've felt so alone; but in every situation, God gave blessed consolation; that my trials only come to make me strong.

Through it all, through it all, Oh I've learned to trust in Jesus, I've learned to trust in God; Through it all, through it all, oh I've learned to depend upon his word.





 

As you spend this day of Thanksgiving with your family & friends, wherever you may be, or whoever you are with, count your blessings.  Be grateful.  Love yourself, Love God, Love your fellow man.  Above all, remember that you are loved and appreciated.  You are special. 

 

It's dessert time, then we are off to our second stop of the day.  The eating continues!!!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone, remain blessed.  See you next week, I will have some resources regarding recommended preventative health screenings for different age groups. I also have to consult with "tech team" and figure out how to put some pictures on this thing.

 

Take care and God bless

 

Chidinma

 

When did you last check your breasts? Ah, ah! Touch them now, they no go bite you!

Know your body.  You are the first line of defense.







MY TESTIMONY!!

I have to share ASAP!! I AM A LIVING TESTIMONY OF GOD'S GLORY!! He is great and worthy!!  News update, hot off the press. I just went for the MRI guided breast biopsy. The MRI was performed with & without contrast; THE LUMP IN THE RIGHT BREAST IS GONE! IT IS GONE!!  Therefore the biopsy didn't need to be done!  Before starting, the Radiologist showed me the previous MRI film and he  showed me the lump. It was there. I saw it. It was there. Now a miracle has occurred!  It's gone. Join me in praising God. If anyone has doubts about the ability of God, about the power of prayer; I beg, send them this way! Make I show them that my God no be man!  He is mighty and able! Sorom too Chineke!!


Chidinma

SCARED!!

" 'Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,

Just to take Him at His Word;

Just to rest upon His promise,

And to know, "Thus says the Lord!"

 

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!

How I've proved Him o'er and o'er

Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!

O for grace to trust Him more!

 

 

I woke up with this song on my mind this morning and I've been walking around the house humming it and singing it in my heart and saying to myself "Nne mehn, you've got this! Trust in him, he has never and will never fail you".

 

Yes, I am scared.  Exactly 4 weeks ago today on 10/21/13, I was given the greatest shock ever.  I was diagnosed with cancer of the left breast after having a normal mammogram 5/2013.  I "incidentally" found a lump which for all intents & purposes was supposed to be a benign cyst.  Since then I've had a lumpectomy and the cancerous tumor has been removed and I await starting chemo & radiation.

 

Why am I scared today?  I'm only human you know.  Today, 11/21/13 at 11 am, I will undergo a MRI guided breast biopsy of the "right breast".  Yes.  Now on the opposite side, there is a lump which is "questionable".  I believe, I am optimistic & faithful that I will receive wonderful news next week telling me that it is negative.  Not cancerous.  But yes, I am scared.  I know & have always believed that God will not give me a burden I cannot bear. So no matter what the outcome may be, I trust in him.  But yes, I am only human, I AM SCARED. I still have swelling & soreness to my left breast from undergoing surgery 3 weeks ago and now I am going to have some soreness to the right breast today from having the biopsy.  That junk hurts man!!! Having holes punched into your breast???  It's not cool beans at all, at all!  Not that I'm a "wuss", but it is the psychological aspect of it.  "Here we go again, what am I going to be told next week?" When I had the first biopsy, I was sore, but my biggest issue was not being able to take a shower for 24 hours (and I had to work the next day).  24 WHOLE HOURS!! (Ummm, Naija babes don't joke with their daily showers. HABA!)

 

I continue to beseech you all for prayers.  Not just for me, but for my husband, my parents, my children, my siblings, my in-laws, my family & my friends.  Everyone has been so worried about me, making sure to hold me up and help me keep a positive outlook; staying strong for me.  But I know that behind the scenes, in their hearts they are worried also.  I pray for God to bless and uphold them as they triumphantly march along with me in this battle.

 

Yolanda Adams sang;

"This too shall pass, Like every night that's come before it,

  He'll never give you more than you can bear,

This too shall pass, So in this thought you'd be comforted. For it's in His hands;

This too shall pass".

 

Thank you for all the prayers, well-wishes and continuous words of encouragement.  The Lord has heard your cries and supplications and I know that he will continue to do so.  I pray today that all of you, remain blessed.  For those who are suffering from different crises today; the Lord will not give you more than you can bear.  Take heart, be encouraged; THIS TOO SHALL COME TO PASS!

Thanks for sharing this "voyage" with me. God bless.

 

Chidinma

 

p.s.  Please check your breasts.  Remind your girlfriends, sister-friends, lady-friends, wives, mothers, sisters.  Spread the word, BREAST CANCER IS HIGHLY CURABLE IF CAUGHT ON TIME.  If your 40 & up, go have your mammogram, if you're under 40 or above, learn how to perform the breast self examination.  Go for your annual physical examination.  Your body is your temple.  Take care of it. God helps those who help themselves.





 





The Waiting Game

"He breaks every fetter, he breaks every chain; that's why I don't mind waiting on the Lord" (Juanita Bynum).

"I don't mind waiting, I don't mind waiting, I don't mind waiting on the Lord". I've had this song in my head all night.  I went to bed exhausted, frustrated at what I deem as slow progress but in medical reality is "everything going according to schedule and working quickly.

I am an Advanced Practice Registered Nurse (Nurse Practitioner) by trade. I'm the one in the white coat with the fancy stethoscope hanging around my neck, talking to the patient, assessing, diagnosing trying to empathize, sympathize, listening etc.  For the past 3.5 weeks, I've had to put my profession to the side and be the one sitting on that exam table.  I am now the patient.  It is for sure a humbling experience.  Sitting waiting for the Doctor, in the hospital gown, praying to hear encouraging news, praying to be able to hold strong.... It is humbling.

So, here we are 2 weeks after having the lumpectomy.  Slow & steady progress?  I guess.  I was really pissed off yesterday.  My insurance company denied the PET scan ordered by my Surgical Oncologist to evaluate my body for cancer as a suspicious "spot" was found in the opposite breast. It was denied because I have early stage cancer.  It's not advanced (can you imagine that kind nonsense. So make I have advanced stage cancer so dey go approve test which go check make sure no cancer dey any other area of my body.  Chineke kpokwa ha oku!!!)  That's alright.  They can take the PET scan and shove it.  Thank God it's not advanced.  Here I am trying to deal with the fact that the left breast "had" cancer and now there is a questionable spot in the right one???? Then insurance company has the nerve to deny the test.  So this means that next week I have to go for a biopsy of the right breast.  I'll get the result of it the day before Thanksgiving (prayers continually requested). I've met with the Radiation Oncologist to discuss radiation,  have an appointment with the Medical oncologist to discuss chemotherapy; and I have to wait.  Wait to fully heal from surgery..Wait until treatment starts..  I'm in no rush to start.  Let me stop lying to myself I am in a rush.  I want to get things going, I want to put this behind me and move on.

Tomorrow,  I am going to Houston, TX to celebrate with my lovely cousin Ugonna, who is having a graduation celebration.  I'll be meeting up with my cousins there, the cuzzo's from Chicago and a bunch of friends and family whom I have not seen in ages.  I'm excited because  I'M ALIVE, I'M BLESSED, I'M FULLY FUNCTIONAL. I am waiting.  I will keep on singing "I don't mind waiting on the Lord".  All things will happen according to his will, according to his plan.  Oge Chi ka nma.  Thank you always for the prayers, well-wishes and support.  God bless you all.  Until next time, stay well.

Chidinma

p.s. Ladies, when did you last check your breasts?
      Guys, when did she last check her breasts?  Ask her.  Encourage her.  Do it for her.

Distortion, Perception

If I were told that I would be sitting on my front stoop trying to get some sun, I would probably scoff and laugh at the person saying.  Wetin me, chocolate babe dey do, go find sun to get some color?  I think and feel that I look pale. PERCEPTION!

I've always had self image issues and had finally in the past 2 years come to accept myself and NOW here we go again.

The bandages are off, just a few steri-strips (fancy oyibo Band-Aid) but my tickle-bittie is still bruised, swollen, lumpy-looking; I won't lie, it is hard for me to touch it much more look at it.  DISTORTION. For the first time since surgery, I wore a regular bra yesterday (it wasn't such a good idea I realized several hours later when I felt this weird "numbing pain"). 

Yesterday, my girlfriend took me to a prayer fellowship group called "Daughter's of Grace", where I must say I was uplifted and encouraged and knew that my God is the same God of yesterday, today & tomorrow!  One of the sisters present said to the audience " You may see my glory, but you haven't heard my story".  A lot of us walk around minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day and see others and think that they have it all made, their life is golden, or that  s/he looks so downtrodden, weary & worn etc.  We begin to judge and think we know of the good or evil of that particular person.  But in all honesty and reality; do we?  Only God knows.  Not man.  In Jeremiah 29:11 it says "For I know the plans I have for you , says the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future & a hope.  Ok, in my little mind, I've told myself that I have a big mouth and this thing was already known by God before it happened and in due time he will let me know; not why it happened but what he wants me to do with it. " Patience is a virtue".  I don't have much patience but I'm just going to have to have it.

I was touching the surgical scars and I begin to sigh and sniffle.  Chika (my husband) asked me what was the matter and I said "it's ugly, it hurts, it will never look the same".  He then said to me "when you feel it and/or look at it think about life".  I said "I don't understand". ( I really wanted to say "Huh? Whatchu talking about Willis?").  He replied "think about life, think about CJ, Jourdan, Ethan & me.... you have those scars so you can have life and spend it with us".  Yup! I sat up and looked at him because dude is not usually deep like that I was like WOW!!! (or in the Naija way; WAOOO!!!)

My "perception of distortion" made me for a hot minute overlook the big picture.  LIFE!! I have life! The Lord has plans for welfare and not for evil, he has plans of a future and hope for me! ME, ME, ME, ME, ME!! Yes there will be days where I will feel down and discouraged, but I will try to make myself remember that verse.

I know the beginning and the end of my story. The middle part is unknown to me right now and I figure it is going to be rough and full of trials; but it is better in the end.

Thank you for all the prayers; When the prayers go up, the blessings come down.  I am a living testimony of that.  Have a great Sunday and remain blessed.

p.s. when did you last check your breasts?

Chidinma

"Abi you no know?"

"Abi you no know say Jehovah na God?" (Do you not know that Jehovah is God?)  I first heard that song in 1999 when my mother in-law sang it during worship.  How can I say it, how can I proclaim it? How can I use this mere mortal mouth to praise and worship God?  I never, ever, ever had any doubts; did I have worry? Yes I DID!! I'm not going to front and say that I have been A-Ok and haven't cried, worried or fretted; but I never had a doubt that whatever burden I was given to bear, I could bear it.  I AM BLESSED AND HIGHLY FAVORED!

So, yes ooooooo, here is the latest.  I go see Dr. today.  Him bring in him entourage enter de room, I no shake oo but I said to myself; "hmm, dis one dis man don enta room with all these people and dem don out number my own entourage, I no like am ooo, what kind oyibo dey want grammatize for me today?".  He began to smile and said "I have good news for you".  He began to grammatize the English.  All I know he said for sure was "Stage 1 cancer, entire tumor removed, clean margins on the tumor and negative lymph-nodes!"  You know now that babe had to maintain composure as I was sitting there half-naked on display (sorry, TMI but I have to create the setting so you understand).
I fist pumped (in hind sight, I don't think it was quite pretty especially half-naked with a drain hanging out of my side), I squeezed my hands together, closed my eyes with the words "thank you Jesus" leaving my lips.

Yes, as far as I am concerned, I am cancer free.  Yes I will still have to undergo treatment, which I will find out next week if it will be chemo and/or radiation, but I AM CANCER FREE!!!  Yes, the MRI  picked up a questionable spot on the other breast and I will have to have a PET scan (I don have CAT scan, now I will have PET scan, I don dey progress up the ladder of animal scans) to figure out what it is.  But I have championed the first obstacle.  The course may get more difficult but I am more than a conqueror and I am going to continue to champion on and continue to be a winner.

I want to thank everybody across the globe (I'm not exaggerating) who has offered prayers on my behalf.  I do not know how to thank you enough than to say that we serve an everlasting God who has heard your pleas on my behalf.  You are all blessed.

If I begin to name people one by one, blogger.com will shut me down.  Chika & our 3 musketeers, my Mommy & Daddy, My siblings especially Ezinna who flew down to nurse me, my family (the Anosike's, Byron's, Nwazue's, Ifudu's, Nwogwugwu's, Awam's, Alino's), "my own personal beloved Miriam", my Chief prayer warrior Gladys, THE WOMEN OF OFUOBI WOMEN'S ORGANIZATION OF CT led by Helen Okeke, my family "Ngwa cultural Association of CT led by Nnamdi Nwachuku, my UConn family (best co-workers a chick could ask for), the surgical suite & surgical floor staff at UConn Health Center, the children Sacred Heart Academy Campus Ministry, Hamden for my "HOPE" bracelet and encouraging words, my darling Chief cook Imma, all of my friends, acquaintances, your friends & family whom you told my story to and they prayed for my healing; God bless you and I thank you all.

Here are few links for information on breast cancer.
http://www.cancer.org/cancer/breastcancer/moreinformation/breastcancerearlydetection/breast-cancer-early-detection-toc

http://www.cancer.org/cancer/breastcancer/moreinformation/breastcancerearlydetection/breast-cancer-early-detection-acs-recs-bse

I'll be back!  About to go pop a bottle of "sparkling cider"!  Cheers, salud, remain well and blessed.  Remember "Check out that bump. Don't ignore the lump"!

Chidinma

GOING MENTAL

I had a lumpectomy on Thursday.  The tumor was bigger than expected and the surgeons had to take out more tissue than expected, also took out some lymph-nodes.  I HURT!!  I have my arm in a sling, I have a drain coming out of the incision area.  I have on a surgical bra with gauze stuffed in it. IT HURTS.

My sister Ezinna, God bless her, has been my personal nurse.  She helped take down the dressing and I saw the swelling, the bruising, the distortion.  I turned my head away.  I looked again, stared at it.  I wept.  It hit me.  THIS IS FOR REAL!!! I do have the big "C".  I have tried to keep positive, I have had enormous support and the prayers have been rained upon me.  But this is now my reality.  I have cancer.  This is just the first step.  Next week I go to find out what stage this is and what kind of treatment I will have to have.

Last night as I slept, I jumped up in pain, I had yanked on the drain.  I wept.  This is my reality.

My darling best friend who as far as I am concerned is more fierce and more brave than I am as she has had a severe, deteriorating, debilitating health condition for the past few years; called me this evening and told me to keep my head up and remain faithful and had me read Psalms 91 to her hearing.  I felt peaceful, I remembered that although my journey is just beginning, I DO NOT WALK ALONE.

The anesthesiology team and surgeons that took care of me in the OR were great.  I came in with a request.  I asked Katy Perry's "Roar" be played as I drifted off into lala land.  It was played over the speakers for me and I got to sing out load with some of the staff singing along with me and bopping their heads. The last thing I remember is singing "I got the eye of a tiger, fighter, dancing through the fire, cause I am a CHAMPION AND YOU'RE GONNA HEAR ME ROAR!"

Going mental is not an option.  I'm not unrealistic, I will have my moments, I will cry, I'll be sad; but I will not crawl into a corner and feel sorry for myself and feel despondent.  Listen out cancer; I AM THAT CHAMPION, DO YOU HEAR THAT ROARING? TI'S ME CHIDINMA UGONNAYA ANOSIKE-BYRON.  Ogadicha nma.  You have no power over me. Wharreva, wharreva, you will not succeed!

TODAY NA TODAY!

To day na today ooooo!!  I am on my way to have this lump of cancerous tissue removed from my left breast.  I have received so much support and love from my family, friends; the prayers have been raining down and flooding. I am so grateful!!

I have been asked; why are making this public?  My answer: am I supposed to be ashamed of talking about it?  Will  it be the "scarlet letter"?  Haba oo!! Ignorance is not bliss.  I will talk about it because this is not something to hide.

I love my Igbo heritage and culture, but one unfortunate thing is that we are a secretive culture.  There is always some kind of superstition that the natural order of things cannot occur naturally.  Somebody or something has always caused something.

As for me, I am stepping out of my comfort zone and I believe that the more I open my mouth and discuss this THE MORE I WILL BRING AWARENESS, especially to my sisters who are too busy to take care of themselves or feel that it is one thing that can wait. DON'T IGNORE THE LUMP!!!

Thank you for all the prayers, comments, well-wishes, in the next several hours, I will have an empty space in my breast, where a little piece of annoyance which thought it could ruin my life has been evicted.  Stay well and God bless.  I will be in touch.

Chidinma

FOR REAL?????

So, I'm brand new to this.  I've never blogged, don't know a thing about blogging and I don't follow any blog religiously but here I am.

I'm going to thank my sister in-law for suggesting I do this so I can purge my thoughts and answer questions my mammoth family (whom I am so blessed to have! Otuto diri Yesu!) and a dear friend who also suggested I do this and actually helped and showed me how to set it up.

This is a therapeutic blog and also a sort of PSA.  I am a pretty private person but I just had to share this and I will welcome advice, opinions, constructive criticism, encouragement, etc.

I'm pretty much a healthy, vibrant person, no major health issues, so imagine my surprise when I was told on Monday, October 21st, 2013 that I have "Invasive Lobular Carcinoma"! Abeg oo, this one na heavy oyibo!!!  Hold up, wait a minute, back-up, rewind, slow your roll!!!  I had a normal routine mammogram middle of May, 2013.  I had a normal breast examination performed by my Primary care doctor in April and also by my GYN in May, 2013. How the hell can I have breast cancer?? No family history, no abnormal mammograms ever; wharra HELL!!

No, I didn't have any sort of premonition, didn't have a vision or hear a voice whisper in my ear.  I was taking a shower in the usual fashion of course and felt a lump, it caught me off guard and my first thought was that maybe something bit me because it was a pretty palpable lump.  However, it didn't hurt and it was immobile so it did make me raise an eyebrow.  After my shower, I went to the mirror, I inspected it, there was no reddness, no bruising, no pinpoint entry, nothing.  I had my hubby feel it (yup, he got a quick thrill) to make sure I wasn't crazy and he definitely felt it.

Ok, fast forward.  I sat on it for a day, called my GYN a day later, I was seen within 2 or so days, I was told it was probably a "Lactational cyst" (more asusu oyibo) as I had a baby 21 months ago and I still lactate (sorry, TMI).  It was recommended that I have a diagnostic ultrasound & mammogram.  Had to wait a week and a half for it, finally went, was told I would only have an ultrasound since I was still intermittently breast-feeding (apologies; TMI).  Had the ultrasound, was told it was not suspicious for any malignancy; that it could be an abscess or hematoma (thank God I own a dictionary app on the phone because at this time I was side-eyeing the man like what the heck you talking about).  Left there not feeling confident and I knew I would be getting a second opinion. 

Thank God I remembered to request a copy get sent to my Primary care doctor because in 2 two days she contacted me to find out what the heck was going on.  Briefed her, and she immediately got me in to see Dr. Deckers at University of Connecticut Health Center.  He reviewed my previous mammogram film and confirmed that nothing was in it, looked at the ultrasound report and said it could most likely be a lactational cyst but because I am over 40 he would feel more comfortable and have more peace of mind if I had a breast biopsy.

Breast biopsy 10/17/13 (by Dr. McDreamy).  At work on 10/21/13, phone call comes in at 9:15 am.  All I remember is hearing "the pathology came back showing malignant cells, I'm sorry to tell you we found cancer".  SHOCK, DISBELIEF, TEarsssssss!!! This can't be for real, it can't be for real.  I'm 42 years old, just learned how to fully love and appreciate myself, I finally feel confident, smart, bold, fabulous, sexy and I'm being told I have left breast cancer.  Heck! I was talking to sister a weeks prior that I was planning to get a Mercedes Benz S-class and breast implants for my 50th birthday.

On Thursday, 10/31/13, I'll be having a lumpectomy.  This sucker will be taken out, further tested and I will know what the plan of treatment is.  I acknowledge the cancer, but I am not accepting or claiming it.  I'm going to roar, I'm going to fight.  I am not going to be a survivor.  I'm going to be a CHAMPION!!  PRAYERS!!! I need prayers.  God has declared & decreed that I am healed.  No morbid thoughts in this hen's head.  No, no, no!  I'm too cute to even consider being 6 feet under (the ground will purge and spit my butt back up).

Please, please, please ladies, check your breasts!  Check your tickle-bitties.  Once a month just do it.  If you think you'll forget, set a standard "check my breasts date" with your significant other.  Why not get something out of it?  The kind of cancer I have is not typically picked up by mammogram.  I have so many questions, and I will have them answered in time.  My guys, although it is uncommon, men can get breast cancer too.  Check your breasts. If you are of the age, get a mammogram.  IF YOU FEEL ONE, DON'T IGNORE THE LUMP!!
Enough for this virgin blogger.  My fingers are tired, but my shoulders feel lighter.  Thank you for sharing a little bit of my world with  me. I will try to blog over the next few days to share my experiences on this new journey.  My maiden name is ANOSIKE.  It means "I stand firm/strong".  God bless you all.

Chidinma