THE ASSAULT, THE BATTLE, THE VICTORY!!

WHARRAPPP!!!
It's been a minute since I last blogged (I can see my siblings rolling their eyes at me saying seriously Chinma, "a minute?").  Anyways!!! Holla black at your girl, I am back!

So since I last blogged, I have been a busy bee, trying to keep my behind out of trouble.  Being a mommy to 3 wonderful boys, and a wifey to Chika.  Keeping busy with the Ngwa National Association, USA (I am the Vice President) & Ofuobi Women's Organization of CT (I am the President); and working.  Grinding & hustling.

Serious and true talk though, it has been 2 years; exactly 2 years today since I was diagnosed with invasive lobular carcinoma of the left breast (say it fast 5 times, I dare you!), 1 year since I completed treatment and have been in remission.  No, I mean cured.  Remission ain't in my vocabulary.  I am not going through that again.  It is not my portion in Jesus' name, Amen!!!!

It is October, breast cancer awareness month. Here are some facts from U.S. Breast Cancer Statistics

About 1 in 8 U.S. women (about 12%) will develop invasive breast cancer over the course of her lifetime.

In 2015, an estimated 231,840 new cases of invasive breast cancer are expected to be diagnosed in women in the U.S., along with 60,290 new cases of non-invasive (in situ) breast cancer.

Besides skin cancer, breast cancer is the most commonly diagnosed cancer among American women. In 2015, it's estimated that just under 30% of newly diagnosed cancers in women will be breast cancers.

White women are slightly more likely to develop breast cancer than African-American women. However, in women under 45, breast cancer is more common in African-American women than white women. Overall, African-American women are more likely to die of breast cancer. The risk of developing and dying from breast cancer is lower in Asian, Hispanic, and Native-American women.

In 2015, there are more than 2.8 million women with a history of breast cancer in the U.S. This includes women currently being treated and women who have finished treatment.

About 85% of breast cancers occur in women who have no family history of breast cancer. These occur due to genetic mutations that happen as a result of the aging process and life in general, rather than inherited mutations.

 

For me, it has always been about health promotion.  Preventative care.

Become aware of your breasts.  Don't be shy about it,  being shy could be a death sentence.

Feel your partner's breasts.  Become familiar with them.  It is not just a sexual gesture; it is a life saving gesture.

Ladies, get your mammograms.
Men, get your prostates checked.
Ladies & gentlemen, if you are of the age of 50, get your colonoscopy.
Everyone get your flu shot this season.
Get your annual or bi-annual physical.

God helps those who help themselves.
Don't wait until you feel sick.  Ain't nobody got time for that. Be your own advocate.  Be selfish about your health.

Know that you never walk alone.  Before anything even happens, the Lord knows about it.  When something happens that is devastating, it may be hard to still trust in the Lord; but hold on.  Just hold on.  He shall restore, replenish, fortify and strengthen you.  Never forget it.  He is the one.  The only one that can lead you out of your "Egypt" and on to the Promised Land.

SAY WHAT????!!!!!

SAY WHAT????!!!!!!

TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY.
TODAY I'VE TURNED 43.
Let us sit back. Pause, reflect, think about how good God has been to you. He's sure been good to me.
Let's stop all the bickering, the fighting, the arguing, the name calling.  Reflect upon your life. Count your blessings. Whoever is reading this right now, there's a great chance you are not living in a war torn country not sure minute to minute if you'll die a tragic death; you're not laying in a hospital bed fighting for your life, you are not being held captive or in bondage. Be grateful, be thankful for there is someone else who's worse off than you.

Today is May 31st. Holla! It's my birthday 🎶🎶🎂🎉!!  On this day 43 years ago, into the household of HRH & Ugoeze Luke & Ellen Anosike, one fyne gyal pikin , no pimple was born and she was named Chidinma. Ugonnaya. Anosike. I am so blessed to be here today. May has been a special month.
May 9th:  finished radiation. Declared cancer free!!
May 11th: Mother's Day
May 27th: 13th wedding anniversary
May 29th: broke my front tooth in half had my first ever root canal. Ouch!!
May 31st: I turned 43 years old.

7 months ago I had a cancerous piece of tissue in my left breast. I was scared.
Today, I am cancer free and I am thankful for all I have been through because it has shown the naysayers that DIARIS GOD OOOOO!CHAI!!  DIARIS GOD OOOO!!! Yes!! I am a living manifestation and testimony. He has settled, stablished and perfected me! Day by day I get stronger. I'm still rehabilitating but the silver lining is here. The rain has stopped and I see my rainbow.
I have grown spiritually, emotionally and physically. And I continue to thank every single one of you for holding me up, nudging me, carrying me and encouraging me. God bless you all.
Today I celebrate life to the fullest. You do it too. Be encouraged. Speak life into your situation. Be not dismayed or discouraged. It's not your battle, it's The Lord's.


In the lyrics of Lisa Page Brooks.....

For every time that you protected me
When I didn't know your name
(Lord I say thank you).
How you loved on me and cared for me,
When I didn't return the same, I.
(Lord I say thank you)

Now when It seemed like I was losing and I felt like giving up,
I (Lord I) "I wanna say" (say thank you).
Your love rushed in like a mighty flood and lifted me above, and I (Lord I)
"I wanna say" (say thank you).

I'll be thanking you and praising You for the rest of my life.
For I've come to know the power of your love and sacrifice.
(Thank you for your sacrifice)
I appreciate all that you do
(Everything You do, and I want to say)
Just want to say thank you

Well, how you kept your hand upon me though I've Often gone astray,
Yeah I... (Lord I say thank you).
And how your spirit gently led me back to safety in your way,
I wanna say Lord I say thank You.
(And I'll be thanking you)

(And I'll give you praise)... just want to say thank you. Lord I thank You.
(Lord I thank You. Yes I do.
Right now I just want to say thank you)
I wanna say! (I wanna say wanna say)
I wanna say thank you. (I just want to say)
I gotta say! (Gotta say, gotta say it, thank you) I gotta say thank you!

(Now you've been good) I want to say
(And I want to say)
I want to say thank you
(That you've been kind)
I've gotta say
(Gotta say, please just let me say)
I've gotta say thank you
(You made a way)
I want to say
(You let me see a brand new day)
I want to say thank you
(You never let me go astray)
I gotta say
(And I gotta gotta gotta say)
I gotta say thank you
(Thank you for my family)
I want to say
(Thank you lord for keeping me)
I want to say thank you
(Thank you Lord for bringing me through)
I've got to say
(And I thank you for my husband too)
I gotta say thank you
(Thank you Lord for saving me)
I wanna say
(Thank you Lord for loving me)I wanna say thank you
(And I gotta gotta gotta say)
I've gotta say
(I want to say, gotta say thank you)
I've gotta say thank you
(Thank you thank you)

Thank you all for being with me.

Chidi

Psst!!! Hey!!!! Wetin now??? Check your breasts. Do not ignore the lump. When did you last check your breasts? No fear abeg! Touch the something!

E DON SET OOOO!!!!! IT'S GOING DOWN!!

My husband loves to sing (I've told him not to quit his day job).  He can make a song out of anything .  I'm loving the song (chant) he's been singing for the past day.

 

It's going down! What you wanna do? It's going down, down, down;

Nothing's gonna stop us now!

You best believe that I was behind him hopping and two-stepping while he was singing because for real, for real; IT'S GOING DOWN!!!

 

Today is May 5th, 2014 and the last leg of the journey of phase 2 is coming down to the wire.  Last bus-stop, the train is pulling into the station, please prepare for landing!  YES!!!! As of today, 5 more radiation treatments are left! It is amazing! God is awesome! And yes, I can truly say that it went by quickly.  The first week was a drag. My mind was heavy, my soul was not at rest; but through the everlasting grace of he who died for me and set me free, the one whose banner over me is love, the one whose tender mercies are brand new every morning, the one whose faithfulness unto me I do not deserve; has carried me and shielded me. Alleluia!

 

I under-estimated the side-effects of radiation compared to chemotherapy. Being in the health field and having worked with patients who have undergone chemo, I was prepared for the worse with chemo but God let me know that I can prepare myself all I want, he has the final say.  I had some rough patches, but sailed through it victoriously.

For radiation, I "knew" it would be a breeze, I had the whole thing figured out. Yeah right!! My left side; upper chest wall area, breast, armpit is charred. Literally charred.  The skin is burnt,  It is black from being burnt.  It is painful.  I am thankful for "okuma" (natural Nigerian shea butter), eucerin cream, aquaphor ointment, cold gel packs and cold aloe vera gel.  

 

I'm tired, I've experienced fatigue as never before, the body is constantly exhausted.  I sleep all night, wake up in the morning and I'm still tired.  ABEG!! WETIN BE THIS KIND SOMETHING???? Ain't no one got time for this!  Fatigue leave me please and be banished!!! Mscheww!!

This chick ain't got time for this.  Treatment is almost done, it is time to start rehabilitating my body!  The social season has started, it's time to party to be joyful, to dance. I've got a busy calendar. I gotta live life!

 

But in all things, you best believe that I AM PRAISING ANYHOW!!! I am joyful, I am happy, my mind is right, I am surrounded and blessed by wonderful family & friends. My community has fortified me; "ONYE NWERE MADU, KA ONYE NWERE EGO" (the person who has people, is greater/better than the person who has money). I cannot stop expressing my gratitude to all of you for supporting me through prayers, kind words, visitations, food, money; LOVE! The love that Christ has given you all to give has not failed.  It has not failed, I say IT HAS NOT FAILED! I feel the love daily and it carries me through.

 

Yes, there has been personal growth.  Yes, there has been spiritual growth. Yes, there is new found appreciation for the things that life brings at me.  But I am a testimony that God is faithful, his promises are true, he never fails, he never lets us down. 







"DO NOT BE AFRAID OR DISCOURAGED, FOR THE LORD WILL PERSONALLY GO AHEAD OF YOU. HE WILL BE WITH YOU; HE WILL NEITHER FAIL YOU NOR ABANDON YOU." DEUTERONOMY 31:8 NLT

 

AND YOU BETTER BELIEVE HE WILL NEVER GIVE YOU MORE THAN YOU CAN BEAR!

 

Be blessed today, you are shielded, you are covered.  Thank you as always for reading, but thank you even more for being you and for being with me.  God bless.

 

Psst! You know now, don't forget to check your breasts!

 

Chidinma



 





Phase 2!

MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE:  This is a public service announcement.  Those of you who know me, if you see a "greenish tint/glow" coming from me, please let me know; I need to monitor the levels of radiation I am emitting.


ABEG OOOOO!!!! I'M JUST KIDDING!!!!  I'M NOT RADIATING ANYTHING!


Just a little humor to break up the "monotony" of the day and to keep a smile on your face!
So today, phase 2 of treatment started.  For the next 6 weeks (thank God! At first the Doctor was saying 8), Monday thru Friday, I will be getting radiation to the left breast.  Today was the first day.  I'm not going to lie, it was a long walk to the Radiation center, I did have some FEAR ( False Evidence Appearing Real:  this term belongs to Joyce Meyers; I can't take credit for it), thinking about the length of treatment, the burden of treatment, the possible side-effects of treatment.  Hot piss catch me ooo !(literally.  My kidneys get super excited when I'm nervous).


Laying on the table, half-naked, cold, and deriving no joy (TMI, but please bear with me) I kept playing over in my head this journey that WE have been on and I was like wow! It's been 5 months already.
(1) 10/21/13: Breast cancer diagnosis: shattering, devastating news 
(2) 10/31/13: Surgery: Please tell me you've removed all the cancer and life goes back to normal (fat chance, that didn't happen).
(3) 12/30/13: Chemotherapy: Seriously, I have to go through all this????
(4) 3/31/14: Radiation:  I CAN SEE THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL!!!


However, despite the shingles, nose-bleeds, skin changes, hair-loss, black finger & toe nails, ? forced menopause,  initiation into the "Sisterhood of Hot flashing" (Nna mehn, hot-flashing with a wig on your head is absolutely no joke!! I almost whipped it off my head while seeing a patient last week.  Instead I excused myself and left the room to compose myself).  Talking about wigs, so I was seeing a patient last week and as we are talking about her medical issues, I felt sort of like a "cool breeze" on my forehead.  I instinctively touched my forehead and the silly lace-front wig had shifted up and the wig cap was showing.  Dilemma!!! What can a Black chick do but to say to the patient "excuse me, I need to fix my wig".  Yes Sir!! I tugged and shifted it back into place.  It was either that or let the wig fall off.  HABA! I don't think so!! Medical appointment continued on.  The look on the patient's face; PRICELESS!!!


But through it all, I thank God! I'm praising him through my situation, through my circumstances.  I have received so much love and support from all of you that I am still in awe!! I thank God for all of you, for you all have through the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, made this journey easier for me.  I could've never done it alone. 


My last treatment will by God's grace be on May 9th, just in time to celebrate mothers day (5/11), my wedding anniversary (5/27) and for me to get ready for my birthday (5/31) HOLLA!!!!!


It is well, God is good and "there's a praise on the inside that I can't keep to myself"!! Soro m tonu Chukwu!  He is carrying me through and I am holding on. 


Thanks for reading, I'll keep you posted, and as always, thanks for taking this journey with me.  You all are the "wind beneath my wings".  God bless!


Chidinma


Psst! You know now; abeg, check your breasts!!

Started From The Bottom Now We Here!!!

WHARRAP YA'LL????? Holla back at your girl!!! Don't stop gerrit, gerrit!!! Yeah ya!!! 4 cycles of chemotherapy completed!!! God is good all the time and all the time; GOD IS GOOD!!!  In case anyone forgot, that is my name!! CHIDINMA!!

LET ME CLEAR MY THROAT.....
I just want to take this moment to thank the almighty Father, because if it weren't for his loving grace, I sure wouldn't be here right now.

I want to thank my baby daddy, my 3 musketeers, my parents, my siblings, my CT, Chi-town, H-town & B-town crazy cousins, my great in-laws, my awesome nuclear, extended & adopted family, wonderful friends, great co-workers, Daughters of Grace Prayer Ministry (Spiritual nourishment for breakfast 5:30 am Sun - Sat) and every single one of you for holding me down, praying for me, yes lifting me up and interceding on my behalf. Calling me, visiting me, cooking for me, encouraging me, loving me; what can a Black chick say?  I'M BLESSED & HIGHLY FAVORED!

 Drs. Deckers, Tannenbaum, Namadoukyst, the entire UConn Health Center cancer center staff; THANK YOU. 

It has been a journey, and it is not over yet.  I get a "3 week" vacation, then I will undergo 6 weeks of radiation Monday - Friday.  However, through it all, I am grateful.  I have come to truly appreciate the little things in life and I am learning (still work in progress) how not to stress over everything.  More so I have learned that my plan A, B & C don't mean a thing if I have not placed God in everything and let him guide and direct me.

So in the words of Rev. Paul Jones (paraphrasing)

I've had some good days, I've had some hills to climb.
I've had some weary days, and some sleepless nights.

But when I look around and I think things over, all of my good days, outweigh my bad days;
I WON'T COMPLAIN!

The Lord has been so good to me, he's been so good to me; more than this old world or you could ever be. He dried all my tears away, turned my midnights into day, so I'll just say THANK YOU LORD, I WON'T COMPLAIN!!!

So the journey continues, thanks for travelling with me and helping me carry my bags.  They are getting lighter and lighter each day.

Stay blessed, live & love.  Smile more, laugh more.  Speak "life" into your situation, into your circumstances.  It's gonna be alright! Trust in God!  Really! Taste the Lord and see that he is good!  I am a living testimony of that. 

PSST!!!! HAVE YOU CHECKED YOUR BREASTS???

Remain blessed,
Chidi

 

 

The Little Lone Gray Hair

I'm completely bald now.

 

But there's one little strand of gray hair on my left temple.

 

That resilient strand of gray hair that won't fall out. I tried to pull her out but I've got peripheral neuropathy in my fingers so it's hard to get a grip on her. 

 

As I look upon that one lone strand of gray hair an eyesore on this chocolate scalp of mine and suck my teeth at it in irritation, it dawns on me; THAT'S ME!! My baldness reflects breast cancer and that little strand of stubborn gray hair is me standing firm! Resilient! Tough! Refusing to bow into the mental angst that is plaguing me at this time. I am going to continue to be resilient. I can't give in. I can't continue this pity party I started for myself this morning. After all, I've been at it for hours and no guests have arrived!! Mscheww! Well it's a good thing. Let me get out of this funk. One day at a time we always say. One day at a time.

 

It's been 3 months since I was diagnosed. Since this whole saga started.  I'm tired. Mentally and physically tired. I'm not used to this. It's weighing down my psyche. But I must persevere. I salute all the persons whom have trod this road before me and who are on this journey right now and for those who will unfortunately travel this road in the future. It is well. Like the song says;

 

"When peace like a river attendeth my way, when sorrows like sea billows roll; whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say it is well; it is well with my soul."

 

"God will always give what is right to his people who cry to him night and day and he will not be slow to answer. Luke 18:7"

 

So befitting it was that this song started to play during the height of my pity party and I do so much love this song that it definitely helped reboot & reset my brain and I had to come to the conclusion that it was time to "put on my big girl panties" and shake off the "me, me, me". Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir's;

Jehovah Jireh, my provider, you are more than enough for me, Jehovah Rapha you are my healer by your stripes I have been set free, Jehovah Shamma you are with me and you supply all my needs. You're more than enough, more than enough, you're all I need, you are more than enough for me. 

 

Thank you Lord for letting me see that lone strand of hair and remembering that you are carrying me and I am not alone. You are more than enough for me. In all things, I continue to praise and worship you. 

 

No matter what your circumstances are, remember that you are not alone, no matter how bad the pain, the sorrow, the angst, you are not alone, you must believe that up above, the healer of all healers, the lover of your soul, the Master, our Holy Father is embracing and comforting you. You may not feel it now but you will. Trust me you will. Do not despair.  He is more than enough.  Yes; he's more than enough for you.

DEFEAT

My first cycle of chemotherapy was on December 30th, 2013.  Thanks to my work mother Barbara Capella for surprising me by showing up with my goodie bag and for providing emotional support to me, my hubby and my Mommy. 

I rang in the New Year curled up on my sofa wrapped up in blankets in pain.
Nope! I won't be defeated.

Day 3 after chemo, I started to experience horrible bone pain I wouldn't wish on nobody, muscle & joint pain, fatigue, generalized weakness, skin pain, dry skin, skin discoloration, intense stomach pain; I'm short of breath climbing stairs, my mouth is dry, I lost my sense of taste.
Nope! I won't be defeated.

One week after chemo, I was diagnosed with shingles.  For real.  Shingles.  What the hell???  My feet tingle, my balance is off, I'm not able to comfortably wear my heels.  My heels are my fashion signature.
Nope! I won't be defeated.

On Friday night, I had my first ever true nosebleed. Saturday morning, I woke up at 4 am with a nosebleed that was pretty intense.  I hit up my prayer group "Daughters of Grace". They have been uplifting me in prayer every morning at 5:30am.  Our God is an answering God!!
Of course! I won't be defeated.

Today, Sunday 1/12/14 I was chilling with some friends who came to visit and I felt something in my right eye, it was a couple of strands of hair. I ran my fingers through my hair and I said to my husband and friends " E don set ooo.  My hair is falling out". 

It's official. I'm going through chemotherapy for breast cancer.

My lower lip quivered, my eyes welled up.  I excused myself for a brief moment.  I went to the bathroom.  Looked at my already very short haircut, instinctively ran my fingers through my scalp and more hair was in my hand.
Tears, sadness, reality.  This is my reality.
Am I going to be defeated? 

I'm tired.  I have hopefully just 3 more cycles, then 8 rounds of radiation.  Others before me have done this.  Others after me will do this.  I wouldn't wish this on nobody. I don't have a choice. 
I won't be defeated.  I refuse to accept defeat.

Lately, I've been meditating on 1 Peter 5:6-11 and my favorite verses are 7 & 10 which read;

Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.

But the God of all grace who hath called us into his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered for a while, will make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you.

 

Believe it or not whenever I read it and think about it, It makes me smile!!!  The promises!  So many promises and all I gotta do is trust & obey.

Thanks for the prayers, calls, shout outs, inspiring messages, I am humbled and immensely grateful.  This is not a journey that one should take alone.  I pray for those who are going through difficult times to be sent the blessings of a support system that I myself have been blessed to have.

Happy 12th day of the New Year 2014, stay well, stay blessed and p.s. CHECK YOUR BREASTS.

Chidinma

 

 

 1st day of chemotherapy.  On my way to "Permanent healing". Of course Mommy was there! Just love her!!!!