DEFEAT

My first cycle of chemotherapy was on December 30th, 2013.  Thanks to my work mother Barbara Capella for surprising me by showing up with my goodie bag and for providing emotional support to me, my hubby and my Mommy. 

I rang in the New Year curled up on my sofa wrapped up in blankets in pain.
Nope! I won't be defeated.

Day 3 after chemo, I started to experience horrible bone pain I wouldn't wish on nobody, muscle & joint pain, fatigue, generalized weakness, skin pain, dry skin, skin discoloration, intense stomach pain; I'm short of breath climbing stairs, my mouth is dry, I lost my sense of taste.
Nope! I won't be defeated.

One week after chemo, I was diagnosed with shingles.  For real.  Shingles.  What the hell???  My feet tingle, my balance is off, I'm not able to comfortably wear my heels.  My heels are my fashion signature.
Nope! I won't be defeated.

On Friday night, I had my first ever true nosebleed. Saturday morning, I woke up at 4 am with a nosebleed that was pretty intense.  I hit up my prayer group "Daughters of Grace". They have been uplifting me in prayer every morning at 5:30am.  Our God is an answering God!!
Of course! I won't be defeated.

Today, Sunday 1/12/14 I was chilling with some friends who came to visit and I felt something in my right eye, it was a couple of strands of hair. I ran my fingers through my hair and I said to my husband and friends " E don set ooo.  My hair is falling out". 

It's official. I'm going through chemotherapy for breast cancer.

My lower lip quivered, my eyes welled up.  I excused myself for a brief moment.  I went to the bathroom.  Looked at my already very short haircut, instinctively ran my fingers through my scalp and more hair was in my hand.
Tears, sadness, reality.  This is my reality.
Am I going to be defeated? 

I'm tired.  I have hopefully just 3 more cycles, then 8 rounds of radiation.  Others before me have done this.  Others after me will do this.  I wouldn't wish this on nobody. I don't have a choice. 
I won't be defeated.  I refuse to accept defeat.

Lately, I've been meditating on 1 Peter 5:6-11 and my favorite verses are 7 & 10 which read;

Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.

But the God of all grace who hath called us into his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered for a while, will make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you.

 

Believe it or not whenever I read it and think about it, It makes me smile!!!  The promises!  So many promises and all I gotta do is trust & obey.

Thanks for the prayers, calls, shout outs, inspiring messages, I am humbled and immensely grateful.  This is not a journey that one should take alone.  I pray for those who are going through difficult times to be sent the blessings of a support system that I myself have been blessed to have.

Happy 12th day of the New Year 2014, stay well, stay blessed and p.s. CHECK YOUR BREASTS.

Chidinma

 

 

 1st day of chemotherapy.  On my way to "Permanent healing". Of course Mommy was there! Just love her!!!!