Through it all, I'm Thankful!

Nna mehn!!! You see this day today which dem dey call Thanksgiving?  Where do I even start to give thanks?  It's been 5 weeks since I started this journey and I am extremely grateful to have the ability to sit here and chop this turkey and all the ngwo ngwo that goes along with it.

All jokes aside though, I am extremely thankful to God for making me go through this humbling experience.  From getting diagnosed with breast cancer, to having surgery, to being told the opposite breast had something suspicious in it to having the MRI and being about to undergo the biopsy and being told nothing was there; I am grateful.  For all the cheerleaders I've had cheering me through the process, I am thankful for you.

So 4 weeks out of surgery, I'm back to work, the doctors are very impressed with my healing and progress (Imela oooo, Baba God).  Now having some testing done to determine the treatment protocol I should undergo.  I also have to have some oyibo "ABC test" dem dey call BRCA to see if I have the mutation that poses a much higher risk for recurrence of breast cancer.  This test will also impact the recommended treatment.

There's a song by Andrea Crouch that my dad loves to sing and as you can tell from previous posts, music is an important part of my life.  So the song goes;



I've had many tears and sorrows; I've had questions for tomorrow; there've been times I've felt so alone; but in every situation, God gave blessed consolation; that my trials only come to make me strong.

Through it all, through it all, Oh I've learned to trust in Jesus, I've learned to trust in God; Through it all, through it all, oh I've learned to depend upon his word.





 

As you spend this day of Thanksgiving with your family & friends, wherever you may be, or whoever you are with, count your blessings.  Be grateful.  Love yourself, Love God, Love your fellow man.  Above all, remember that you are loved and appreciated.  You are special. 

 

It's dessert time, then we are off to our second stop of the day.  The eating continues!!!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone, remain blessed.  See you next week, I will have some resources regarding recommended preventative health screenings for different age groups. I also have to consult with "tech team" and figure out how to put some pictures on this thing.

 

Take care and God bless

 

Chidinma

 

When did you last check your breasts? Ah, ah! Touch them now, they no go bite you!

Know your body.  You are the first line of defense.







MY TESTIMONY!!

I have to share ASAP!! I AM A LIVING TESTIMONY OF GOD'S GLORY!! He is great and worthy!!  News update, hot off the press. I just went for the MRI guided breast biopsy. The MRI was performed with & without contrast; THE LUMP IN THE RIGHT BREAST IS GONE! IT IS GONE!!  Therefore the biopsy didn't need to be done!  Before starting, the Radiologist showed me the previous MRI film and he  showed me the lump. It was there. I saw it. It was there. Now a miracle has occurred!  It's gone. Join me in praising God. If anyone has doubts about the ability of God, about the power of prayer; I beg, send them this way! Make I show them that my God no be man!  He is mighty and able! Sorom too Chineke!!


Chidinma

SCARED!!

" 'Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,

Just to take Him at His Word;

Just to rest upon His promise,

And to know, "Thus says the Lord!"

 

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!

How I've proved Him o'er and o'er

Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!

O for grace to trust Him more!

 

 

I woke up with this song on my mind this morning and I've been walking around the house humming it and singing it in my heart and saying to myself "Nne mehn, you've got this! Trust in him, he has never and will never fail you".

 

Yes, I am scared.  Exactly 4 weeks ago today on 10/21/13, I was given the greatest shock ever.  I was diagnosed with cancer of the left breast after having a normal mammogram 5/2013.  I "incidentally" found a lump which for all intents & purposes was supposed to be a benign cyst.  Since then I've had a lumpectomy and the cancerous tumor has been removed and I await starting chemo & radiation.

 

Why am I scared today?  I'm only human you know.  Today, 11/21/13 at 11 am, I will undergo a MRI guided breast biopsy of the "right breast".  Yes.  Now on the opposite side, there is a lump which is "questionable".  I believe, I am optimistic & faithful that I will receive wonderful news next week telling me that it is negative.  Not cancerous.  But yes, I am scared.  I know & have always believed that God will not give me a burden I cannot bear. So no matter what the outcome may be, I trust in him.  But yes, I am only human, I AM SCARED. I still have swelling & soreness to my left breast from undergoing surgery 3 weeks ago and now I am going to have some soreness to the right breast today from having the biopsy.  That junk hurts man!!! Having holes punched into your breast???  It's not cool beans at all, at all!  Not that I'm a "wuss", but it is the psychological aspect of it.  "Here we go again, what am I going to be told next week?" When I had the first biopsy, I was sore, but my biggest issue was not being able to take a shower for 24 hours (and I had to work the next day).  24 WHOLE HOURS!! (Ummm, Naija babes don't joke with their daily showers. HABA!)

 

I continue to beseech you all for prayers.  Not just for me, but for my husband, my parents, my children, my siblings, my in-laws, my family & my friends.  Everyone has been so worried about me, making sure to hold me up and help me keep a positive outlook; staying strong for me.  But I know that behind the scenes, in their hearts they are worried also.  I pray for God to bless and uphold them as they triumphantly march along with me in this battle.

 

Yolanda Adams sang;

"This too shall pass, Like every night that's come before it,

  He'll never give you more than you can bear,

This too shall pass, So in this thought you'd be comforted. For it's in His hands;

This too shall pass".

 

Thank you for all the prayers, well-wishes and continuous words of encouragement.  The Lord has heard your cries and supplications and I know that he will continue to do so.  I pray today that all of you, remain blessed.  For those who are suffering from different crises today; the Lord will not give you more than you can bear.  Take heart, be encouraged; THIS TOO SHALL COME TO PASS!

Thanks for sharing this "voyage" with me. God bless.

 

Chidinma

 

p.s.  Please check your breasts.  Remind your girlfriends, sister-friends, lady-friends, wives, mothers, sisters.  Spread the word, BREAST CANCER IS HIGHLY CURABLE IF CAUGHT ON TIME.  If your 40 & up, go have your mammogram, if you're under 40 or above, learn how to perform the breast self examination.  Go for your annual physical examination.  Your body is your temple.  Take care of it. God helps those who help themselves.





 





The Waiting Game

"He breaks every fetter, he breaks every chain; that's why I don't mind waiting on the Lord" (Juanita Bynum).

"I don't mind waiting, I don't mind waiting, I don't mind waiting on the Lord". I've had this song in my head all night.  I went to bed exhausted, frustrated at what I deem as slow progress but in medical reality is "everything going according to schedule and working quickly.

I am an Advanced Practice Registered Nurse (Nurse Practitioner) by trade. I'm the one in the white coat with the fancy stethoscope hanging around my neck, talking to the patient, assessing, diagnosing trying to empathize, sympathize, listening etc.  For the past 3.5 weeks, I've had to put my profession to the side and be the one sitting on that exam table.  I am now the patient.  It is for sure a humbling experience.  Sitting waiting for the Doctor, in the hospital gown, praying to hear encouraging news, praying to be able to hold strong.... It is humbling.

So, here we are 2 weeks after having the lumpectomy.  Slow & steady progress?  I guess.  I was really pissed off yesterday.  My insurance company denied the PET scan ordered by my Surgical Oncologist to evaluate my body for cancer as a suspicious "spot" was found in the opposite breast. It was denied because I have early stage cancer.  It's not advanced (can you imagine that kind nonsense. So make I have advanced stage cancer so dey go approve test which go check make sure no cancer dey any other area of my body.  Chineke kpokwa ha oku!!!)  That's alright.  They can take the PET scan and shove it.  Thank God it's not advanced.  Here I am trying to deal with the fact that the left breast "had" cancer and now there is a questionable spot in the right one???? Then insurance company has the nerve to deny the test.  So this means that next week I have to go for a biopsy of the right breast.  I'll get the result of it the day before Thanksgiving (prayers continually requested). I've met with the Radiation Oncologist to discuss radiation,  have an appointment with the Medical oncologist to discuss chemotherapy; and I have to wait.  Wait to fully heal from surgery..Wait until treatment starts..  I'm in no rush to start.  Let me stop lying to myself I am in a rush.  I want to get things going, I want to put this behind me and move on.

Tomorrow,  I am going to Houston, TX to celebrate with my lovely cousin Ugonna, who is having a graduation celebration.  I'll be meeting up with my cousins there, the cuzzo's from Chicago and a bunch of friends and family whom I have not seen in ages.  I'm excited because  I'M ALIVE, I'M BLESSED, I'M FULLY FUNCTIONAL. I am waiting.  I will keep on singing "I don't mind waiting on the Lord".  All things will happen according to his will, according to his plan.  Oge Chi ka nma.  Thank you always for the prayers, well-wishes and support.  God bless you all.  Until next time, stay well.

Chidinma

p.s. Ladies, when did you last check your breasts?
      Guys, when did she last check her breasts?  Ask her.  Encourage her.  Do it for her.

Distortion, Perception

If I were told that I would be sitting on my front stoop trying to get some sun, I would probably scoff and laugh at the person saying.  Wetin me, chocolate babe dey do, go find sun to get some color?  I think and feel that I look pale. PERCEPTION!

I've always had self image issues and had finally in the past 2 years come to accept myself and NOW here we go again.

The bandages are off, just a few steri-strips (fancy oyibo Band-Aid) but my tickle-bittie is still bruised, swollen, lumpy-looking; I won't lie, it is hard for me to touch it much more look at it.  DISTORTION. For the first time since surgery, I wore a regular bra yesterday (it wasn't such a good idea I realized several hours later when I felt this weird "numbing pain"). 

Yesterday, my girlfriend took me to a prayer fellowship group called "Daughter's of Grace", where I must say I was uplifted and encouraged and knew that my God is the same God of yesterday, today & tomorrow!  One of the sisters present said to the audience " You may see my glory, but you haven't heard my story".  A lot of us walk around minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day and see others and think that they have it all made, their life is golden, or that  s/he looks so downtrodden, weary & worn etc.  We begin to judge and think we know of the good or evil of that particular person.  But in all honesty and reality; do we?  Only God knows.  Not man.  In Jeremiah 29:11 it says "For I know the plans I have for you , says the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future & a hope.  Ok, in my little mind, I've told myself that I have a big mouth and this thing was already known by God before it happened and in due time he will let me know; not why it happened but what he wants me to do with it. " Patience is a virtue".  I don't have much patience but I'm just going to have to have it.

I was touching the surgical scars and I begin to sigh and sniffle.  Chika (my husband) asked me what was the matter and I said "it's ugly, it hurts, it will never look the same".  He then said to me "when you feel it and/or look at it think about life".  I said "I don't understand". ( I really wanted to say "Huh? Whatchu talking about Willis?").  He replied "think about life, think about CJ, Jourdan, Ethan & me.... you have those scars so you can have life and spend it with us".  Yup! I sat up and looked at him because dude is not usually deep like that I was like WOW!!! (or in the Naija way; WAOOO!!!)

My "perception of distortion" made me for a hot minute overlook the big picture.  LIFE!! I have life! The Lord has plans for welfare and not for evil, he has plans of a future and hope for me! ME, ME, ME, ME, ME!! Yes there will be days where I will feel down and discouraged, but I will try to make myself remember that verse.

I know the beginning and the end of my story. The middle part is unknown to me right now and I figure it is going to be rough and full of trials; but it is better in the end.

Thank you for all the prayers; When the prayers go up, the blessings come down.  I am a living testimony of that.  Have a great Sunday and remain blessed.

p.s. when did you last check your breasts?

Chidinma

"Abi you no know?"

"Abi you no know say Jehovah na God?" (Do you not know that Jehovah is God?)  I first heard that song in 1999 when my mother in-law sang it during worship.  How can I say it, how can I proclaim it? How can I use this mere mortal mouth to praise and worship God?  I never, ever, ever had any doubts; did I have worry? Yes I DID!! I'm not going to front and say that I have been A-Ok and haven't cried, worried or fretted; but I never had a doubt that whatever burden I was given to bear, I could bear it.  I AM BLESSED AND HIGHLY FAVORED!

So, yes ooooooo, here is the latest.  I go see Dr. today.  Him bring in him entourage enter de room, I no shake oo but I said to myself; "hmm, dis one dis man don enta room with all these people and dem don out number my own entourage, I no like am ooo, what kind oyibo dey want grammatize for me today?".  He began to smile and said "I have good news for you".  He began to grammatize the English.  All I know he said for sure was "Stage 1 cancer, entire tumor removed, clean margins on the tumor and negative lymph-nodes!"  You know now that babe had to maintain composure as I was sitting there half-naked on display (sorry, TMI but I have to create the setting so you understand).
I fist pumped (in hind sight, I don't think it was quite pretty especially half-naked with a drain hanging out of my side), I squeezed my hands together, closed my eyes with the words "thank you Jesus" leaving my lips.

Yes, as far as I am concerned, I am cancer free.  Yes I will still have to undergo treatment, which I will find out next week if it will be chemo and/or radiation, but I AM CANCER FREE!!!  Yes, the MRI  picked up a questionable spot on the other breast and I will have to have a PET scan (I don have CAT scan, now I will have PET scan, I don dey progress up the ladder of animal scans) to figure out what it is.  But I have championed the first obstacle.  The course may get more difficult but I am more than a conqueror and I am going to continue to champion on and continue to be a winner.

I want to thank everybody across the globe (I'm not exaggerating) who has offered prayers on my behalf.  I do not know how to thank you enough than to say that we serve an everlasting God who has heard your pleas on my behalf.  You are all blessed.

If I begin to name people one by one, blogger.com will shut me down.  Chika & our 3 musketeers, my Mommy & Daddy, My siblings especially Ezinna who flew down to nurse me, my family (the Anosike's, Byron's, Nwazue's, Ifudu's, Nwogwugwu's, Awam's, Alino's), "my own personal beloved Miriam", my Chief prayer warrior Gladys, THE WOMEN OF OFUOBI WOMEN'S ORGANIZATION OF CT led by Helen Okeke, my family "Ngwa cultural Association of CT led by Nnamdi Nwachuku, my UConn family (best co-workers a chick could ask for), the surgical suite & surgical floor staff at UConn Health Center, the children Sacred Heart Academy Campus Ministry, Hamden for my "HOPE" bracelet and encouraging words, my darling Chief cook Imma, all of my friends, acquaintances, your friends & family whom you told my story to and they prayed for my healing; God bless you and I thank you all.

Here are few links for information on breast cancer.
http://www.cancer.org/cancer/breastcancer/moreinformation/breastcancerearlydetection/breast-cancer-early-detection-toc

http://www.cancer.org/cancer/breastcancer/moreinformation/breastcancerearlydetection/breast-cancer-early-detection-acs-recs-bse

I'll be back!  About to go pop a bottle of "sparkling cider"!  Cheers, salud, remain well and blessed.  Remember "Check out that bump. Don't ignore the lump"!

Chidinma

GOING MENTAL

I had a lumpectomy on Thursday.  The tumor was bigger than expected and the surgeons had to take out more tissue than expected, also took out some lymph-nodes.  I HURT!!  I have my arm in a sling, I have a drain coming out of the incision area.  I have on a surgical bra with gauze stuffed in it. IT HURTS.

My sister Ezinna, God bless her, has been my personal nurse.  She helped take down the dressing and I saw the swelling, the bruising, the distortion.  I turned my head away.  I looked again, stared at it.  I wept.  It hit me.  THIS IS FOR REAL!!! I do have the big "C".  I have tried to keep positive, I have had enormous support and the prayers have been rained upon me.  But this is now my reality.  I have cancer.  This is just the first step.  Next week I go to find out what stage this is and what kind of treatment I will have to have.

Last night as I slept, I jumped up in pain, I had yanked on the drain.  I wept.  This is my reality.

My darling best friend who as far as I am concerned is more fierce and more brave than I am as she has had a severe, deteriorating, debilitating health condition for the past few years; called me this evening and told me to keep my head up and remain faithful and had me read Psalms 91 to her hearing.  I felt peaceful, I remembered that although my journey is just beginning, I DO NOT WALK ALONE.

The anesthesiology team and surgeons that took care of me in the OR were great.  I came in with a request.  I asked Katy Perry's "Roar" be played as I drifted off into lala land.  It was played over the speakers for me and I got to sing out load with some of the staff singing along with me and bopping their heads. The last thing I remember is singing "I got the eye of a tiger, fighter, dancing through the fire, cause I am a CHAMPION AND YOU'RE GONNA HEAR ME ROAR!"

Going mental is not an option.  I'm not unrealistic, I will have my moments, I will cry, I'll be sad; but I will not crawl into a corner and feel sorry for myself and feel despondent.  Listen out cancer; I AM THAT CHAMPION, DO YOU HEAR THAT ROARING? TI'S ME CHIDINMA UGONNAYA ANOSIKE-BYRON.  Ogadicha nma.  You have no power over me. Wharreva, wharreva, you will not succeed!