If I were told that I would be sitting on my front stoop trying to get some sun, I would probably scoff and laugh at the person saying. Wetin me, chocolate babe dey do, go find sun to get some color? I think and feel that I look pale. PERCEPTION!
I've always had self image issues and had finally in the past 2 years come to accept myself and NOW here we go again.
The bandages are off, just a few steri-strips (fancy oyibo Band-Aid) but my tickle-bittie is still bruised, swollen, lumpy-looking; I won't lie, it is hard for me to touch it much more look at it. DISTORTION. For the first time since surgery, I wore a regular bra yesterday (it wasn't such a good idea I realized several hours later when I felt this weird "numbing pain").
Yesterday, my girlfriend took me to a prayer fellowship group called "Daughter's of Grace", where I must say I was uplifted and encouraged and knew that my God is the same God of yesterday, today & tomorrow! One of the sisters present said to the audience " You may see my glory, but you haven't heard my story". A lot of us walk around minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day and see others and think that they have it all made, their life is golden, or that s/he looks so downtrodden, weary & worn etc. We begin to judge and think we know of the good or evil of that particular person. But in all honesty and reality; do we? Only God knows. Not man. In Jeremiah 29:11 it says "For I know the plans I have for you , says the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future & a hope. Ok, in my little mind, I've told myself that I have a big mouth and this thing was already known by God before it happened and in due time he will let me know; not why it happened but what he wants me to do with it. " Patience is a virtue". I don't have much patience but I'm just going to have to have it.
I was touching the surgical scars and I begin to sigh and sniffle. Chika (my husband) asked me what was the matter and I said "it's ugly, it hurts, it will never look the same". He then said to me "when you feel it and/or look at it think about life". I said "I don't understand". ( I really wanted to say "Huh? Whatchu talking about Willis?"). He replied "think about life, think about CJ, Jourdan, Ethan & me.... you have those scars so you can have life and spend it with us". Yup! I sat up and looked at him because dude is not usually deep like that I was like WOW!!! (or in the Naija way; WAOOO!!!)
My "perception of distortion" made me for a hot minute overlook the big picture. LIFE!! I have life! The Lord has plans for welfare and not for evil, he has plans of a future and hope for me! ME, ME, ME, ME, ME!! Yes there will be days where I will feel down and discouraged, but I will try to make myself remember that verse.
I know the beginning and the end of my story. The middle part is unknown to me right now and I figure it is going to be rough and full of trials; but it is better in the end.
Thank you for all the prayers; When the prayers go up, the blessings come down. I am a living testimony of that. Have a great Sunday and remain blessed.
p.s. when did you last check your breasts?
Chidinma
4 comments:
.....This morning! Like 55 mins ago.. seriously.. and think about me tooo! The reality of it all is kicking in, but I'm too grateful that YOU will tell your story. It's a gradual process, but u DaChidiii, you got this! We are all here for you....
I check mine more than twice a day since that day I heard your story. It's now like a compulsion for me. All the thoughts will be flying through your mind. But like Wekelechi said; You have life, and so many blessings to count. Always remember that the good Lord who started the work will bring it to perfection. Like you rightly said, God has good plans for you. If not you would have missed the lump. Will continue to call on the Almighy warrior.
My dear trust in the lord at all time and he will see you through. When you are down, remember he is up there watching you. Al you can do is reach out to him and he will comfort you. You are not alone he is with you 24/7. He is a living God. Remain strong. Miriam
Wow, sitting here at work crying tears because I feel your courage. Thank you Chidi!
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